Am I Allergic To Good Guys?

When I look back at the men I’ve dated, and even just the ones that I respond to in this online-dating adventure, I have to really question my judgement. I’ve always said that I don’t have a type. Clearly, I do: I like men who are not interested in having a relationship with me. Bonus points if you have substance abuse issues and live a thousand miles away. Seriously.

I went out with a really nice guy the other night, let’s call him Sam. Sam is the kind of guy that any sane woman would be throwing herself at. Rocking body, incredibly nice, smart as hell, successful, a doting father, great sense of adventure (and an amazing kisser, wow.) According to OK Cupid (whose judgement I currently trust better than my own,) we are a 96% perfect match. My body bits that should tingle are all like, “eh, what else is there? Moving on” (Despite amazing kissing skills, an ass you could balance champagne glasses on and an ability to deftly grab the hair at the nape of my neck in a way that did make me go limp.) But my brain is all like, “Alyssa, you need to go for this, even though you are lukewarm. Remember what happened when you cut all those math classes just because you weren’t really in the mood?”

That is so unfair to him. He’s so awesome, and I had such a great time with him. But my brain is just wired weird.

On the other hand, there’s the rocking-hot scientist who clearly just wants a fuck and has said 1,000 times that he doesn’t want a relationship, and my brain is saying, “I could fall in love with him.” There’s the professional dancer who seems like the nicest guy ever, (which has been validated by a mutual friend, imploring me to go for it,) and my inner voice is chiding, “it’ll be boring and you’ll hurt him.”

Stupid inner-voices.

And, there’s TinTin. He has so much potential. If he weren’t – insert laundry list  of ways that he’s fucked up and treats me like shit….  I still want him. So much.

I need to figure this out.

But first, I need to shower, I have a date in an hour. (I am not shaving, this is my defense mechanism against getting naked to quickly, make sure it isn’t show-worthy.) I’ve had a mini-thing for this guy for years, but we’ve never both been single at the same time, so I haven’t even checked my pulse to see if there’s chemistry.  Maybe I’ll ask him if he wants a relationship. If he says “no way,” it’s a virtual guarantee that he’s the guy for me!

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About Alyssa Royse

Alyssa is freelance writer, speaker and coach living in Seattle with her husband and their 3 daughters. She is the former host of Sexxx Talk Radio on The Progressive Radio Network, co-founder of NotSoSecret.com, a site dedicated to empowered women's sexuality, and an Associate Editor at The Good Men Project. She can also be found on her eponymous blog, where she pontificates about food, family, politics and the Seattle rain. Yes, she almost certainly wants to speak at your event, run a workshop or write something for you. Just ask.

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