smells like something’s burning

Well, I know everyone was just on the edge of their seats wondering how the blind date went, so I thought it only fair to post an update.  It’s taken me several days to process it all, to let things unfold further, and now, I’m ready to share………

Sunday I awoke with the junkie fix of adrenalin that I craved…..aaaah….new possibilities.  Date night.  The morning unfolded with more drama from the EX factor, but it didn’t faze me too much.  A great date was just what I needed to right the wrongs of the weekend.

In true Veronica form, I began to get ready plenty early before the date.  I always take a cab if I’m going to have a drink, so I leave plenty of time for the cab to arrive – plus, I will feel way more comfortable if my ass is firmly planted at the bar so he has to look for me, instead of me walking in looking for him.  So, at 4pm, I start preparing for my 7pm date.

As I get ready, I recall all of our communication thus far – occasionally checking my emails and texts for verification that I was indeed recalling everything accurately.    Oh, we’ve had some really great exchanges so far.    Yes, he really said, “It would be
awesome to be able to make someone happy” in one of the emails – I hadn’t made that up in my head.  And, yes, that text from him really said, “You seem to be pretty incredible.”  And last night’s text about our date:  “I’m all in!”  Plus, there were all the things he shared about his daughter and his life, and the tone of gratitude for all of it……what a great match we might be.  And, if the chemistry isn’t there, I’m just glad he seems like a quality guy who’s got it together  – minimally, I’m thinking this is a new guy friend to hang out with and talk to.

So, turns out, I don’t need anywhere near 3 hours to get ready.  I’m at the bar by 5:30.  Oh well, the Packers are on and it wouldn’t hurt to have a beer before he shows up.  I’ve reached the right balance of excitement and calm now  that I’ve had a couple of beers.  I really think this is going to be fun.  I enjoy my time at the bar watching the game, texting friends, checking my facebook, watching friends and lovers hang out at the restaurant.   There’s a guy sitting to my left that is nice enough to chat with occasionally.  I feel really bad as he leaves – his date stood him up.  When he leaves, a woman about my age sits a few seats down at the bar.  We start some small chit chat.
She’s waiting for a friend.   I tell her I’m waiting for my blind date.  The bartender joins in on the conversation and I’m really getting excited…..just a few more minutes.

Or, so I thought.

Yep.  Stood Up.  Unfuckingbelieveable.  Actually, how could I be shocked?  After the weekend I’ve had so far, why didn’t I see this coming?

I felt devastated.  It was the final straw.  I texted & called to try to figure out if he was lost or if he had changed his mind.  I asked him nicely to just let me know either way, so I didn’t sit there like a fool.

Nothing.  Not one word in return.  So, I went home.

It wasn’t until the next day that I heard from JH.   I received an apology email that afternoon with a subject line of “I’m sorry”.  Here’s what it said:

“I dwelled on our meeting yesterday for hours before and past when we were to meet. Maybe my self esteem got in the way. Maybe I figured you would meet me and we wouldn’t go anywhere anyways. I cancelled my subscription to match. I think I am going
to give up on my ambitions to meet someone and wait until it happens through everyday life. Or maybe there are simply defects in me that will keep me from ever being able to have a “real” relationship. I am sorry that I wrecked your first experience on match with my last.

You seem to be beautiful inside and out and I am just not sure if I am all that. I hope you are able to find someone that is an equal to you in that regard.”

Well, that sucks.  Kinda hard to be pissed off now.  Now I have a swirl of emotions.  I’ve been in those shoes….I know what it feels like to be stuck in a place thinking there are personal defects that prevent a person from being loveable.  I get it.  And now, as opposed to the hurt and disappointment I felt, I felt compassion. I wanted to reach out and make him feel better.

That’s when a warning light went off.  And sirens.
Red flags were flying in my face.
My inner voice asked me to pause.  Give it time, I told myself.  And so I let it rest for a day.

On Tuesday morning when I woke up, I felt so much better.  I had my groove back.  I am a very compassionate person, and sometimes that has gotten me in trouble.  Who am I kidding?  It often times gets me in trouble.  So, I decide to be SMART about this, and find a solution that works for both my heart and my head.  I decide I am going to respond to him today to let him know that I hope he finds what he’s looking for inside himself.   So, around 10am I shoot him a text and simply say “good morning” to see if the email was it, or if the lines of communication were back open.

A couple hours later, I received a text back.  And then, a couple hours after that, another email:

Well, every step this week is a bit heavier and the air is a bit harder to breath. My daughter is causing some headaches too. Like murphy’s law I guess. Thinking I am stuck in this place.

I am sorry for Sunday and that it took that much for me to deal with things and figure out that I am going to be alone for a while longer. I am learning that I am very critical of myself and afraid of being rejected. Not a very good combination. Adds up to me not dating and being a hermit of sorts. Too bad for me but better I figure it out so I don’t hurt anyone again.”

That just threw me off more.  Darn it.  I decide I need to contemplate further on how
I’m going to handle all of this, so I send him a text saying:

“I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but it turns out I haven’t found the right words yet.”  

And I gave it more time.

Wednesday morning, I was still undecided on how to delicately handle the situation.  I’ve been in dark places before.  I feel for JH.  But I’ve also been manipulated by guys like JH in the past.  Do I want to offer friendship?  Or just wish him well?  Or just leave it be?   I decided to look at his photo and profile on the dating website  one more time to see if I could get any further insight as to what I should do.  And, lo and behold, guess who’s “online now”  “im me”.
JH! 

Hmmmm…….he’s all done with it huh?  BUSTED!  What a %#KKJ%@#@!

Thank God I paused before I got myself involved any further with another jackass.  I’m still undecided if I will respond to him.  I’d like to think I will just take the high road and not say a word.   But if I were to craft the text right now from immature, smartass Veronica, it would go a little something like this:

“JH, last time I texted you, I told you I hadn’t quite found the right
words yet.  Well, I finally found them ….LIAR,
LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!   xo –  veronica”

One thing is for certain.  I’m starting to really listen to my inner voice.   Even when she’s mesmerized by the possibility of love, she’s like a little smoke detector.

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3 thoughts on “smells like something’s burning

  1. Oof, you so dodged a bullet on this one. Even if he truly meant what he said in his explanation email, would you really want to date someone who was that broken? As for whether you should call him out on his obvious deceit, I think you should. But the tricky thing is trying to call him out while also not giving away too much of yourself in the process. I’ve totally blown this on a number of occasions. If one thing is certain with this whole dating thing, it’s the fact that you will have opportunities to practice a better response again. Good luck in this adventure! I’m so digging this blog. It’s nice to see that other women are going through what I’ve been through and sharing their process. I’ve been blogging my experiences for a while, so it’s really great to see that I’m not the only one doing this. Cheers!

  2. Suzanne,
    Thank you so much for your note…it’s good to know that there are people out there reading and identifying with the experiences. (although, on second thought, it was a miserable experience, so i actually don’t wish that on anyone). But as, you said, this dating thing brings us plenty of opportunities to practice. I’m still undecided on calling him out on it, but I will keep you posted! Keep reading……..
    xo
    veronica

  3. Pingback: First Impressions Matter | Dating Mommies

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