It all started with a facebook picture and a memory of a cute boy with a great smile from 29 years ago. Next came a simple friend request, acceptance, and then months later, a request to meet up for coffee or drink.
And that first meeting, oh did I drink. And drink. And drink. Interspersed with A LOT of flirting. And then came the kissing. We made out like highschool kids and my heart raced like it hadn’t in so very, very long. Yummy. Absolutely delicious. And it was pure makeout bliss that left me wanting soooo much more.
The conversation that night was so refreshing. It was honest, it was sincere. It was fun, and full of sarcastic banter. We poked fun at each other, and at the world’s weird ways. I learned how adventurous and free spirited he is. I marveled at his ability to really LIVE. He is so comfortable with who he is. And because of his confidence in expressing who he is, I felt very at ease and confident doing the same. I truly enjoyed Hot Guy’s company.
But we couldn’t be more different in terms of our lifestyles…as he would point out in a text later that next day. “It was great…blah blah blah…we have nothing in common…blah blah blah….let’s be great friends…blah blah blah.” UGH. BUT I WANT HOT GUY. He is the sexiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I was not about to accept the fact that I would never be rolling around with him again.
I obsessed about those kisses and the next day blow off for weeks. Why? Why?
He was absolutely right. Well, kind of. Our lifestyles are dramatically different. He is a complete daredevil; I sometimes have full out panic attacks at the simple idea of stepping out of my shell in a new way. He gets adrenalin rushes by going 120 mph on a motorcycle; I get them in equal force by just thinking about Hot Guy. But nothing in
common – that I didn’t buy. Not one bit. Not after replaying our conversations in my head a million times and rethinking each of those wonderful kisses. And after considering the feelings he’d described as he’d walked me through some of the most painful experiences of his last few years. Our hearts and personalities are actually identical in many ways. But in terms of lifestyle, yes. Totally different. And mine, he would really want no part of. And in reality, I find him appealing as I do, because of exactly who he is and how he lives his life.
So after weeks of internal discussion on the matter, I settled into the idea that friendship with him would allow me the vicarious vantage point of risk taking that I wanted to
observe and study and then interpret and implement in a Veronica style way. And his sarcastic banter, intellectually hot beyond belief, would be pure enjoyment for me in this new found “friendship”.
And, as I settled in, his receptiveness to growing the friendship eased and we occasionally talked or texted. And then, like the vagabond he is, he’d drop out of sight for a while.
After a bit, the initial strong draw I had to him became more manageable, (read, realistic), and I almost had him out of my mind as a potential love interest when it started up again. This time, he initiated.
Within no time, we had bantered our way into planning a weekend together at his place. And there were so many flirtatious overtones as we got closer that I was fearful I wouldn’t have a dry pair of panties left when it was time to pack.
My expectations were fully in check, though, as I drove to meet Hot Guy. More than anything I was excited to have his companionship for the weekend and to possibly be either witness to, or an active participant in, some of his adventures. I replayed his words from the day after our makeout session in my mind as I drove, remembering that it was friendship. And I promised myself that I would not attempt to initiate anything, no matter how HOT Hot Guy is.
It is of course, when we get our expectations away from the pure desires when they seem to come so easily. (ha, no pun intended, but it works here!) From first kiss to pure bliss in bed, he had clearly rethought the terms of our friendship, and he was ready to renegotiate. And it was amazing. I thought he was hot before. I’m still breathless every time I replay that sex filled weekend in my head. Mind, body, soul, that man is hot. Our lifestyles are no more compatible than they were before that weekend, and it is unlikely that they will ever converge. But that’s ok. I like him just the way he is. That’s why he’s Hot Guy. Because he is who he is. And as I told him before I left that weekend, I really like our friendship.