My first exposure to Viagra

oh lord. i’ve been saving this one up.

So i met this guy online dating. He wasn’t my type, physically speaking… shorter than i indicated as a preference in my profile, and a little stout (almost to the point of being heavy, but hey, at the time I was no Kate Moss) but he was reeeally funny in his profile. So funny. He had me at his username alone!

So we went on a few dates. Very much a gentleman each time but I just wasn’t “feelin’ it”. Our last date was a comedy…of errors. He wanted to take me out on a “surprise” date and told me to “dress for dinner”. Ok. Nice dress? Check. Great shoes? Check. Hair and makeup? Check. I jumped in the car to meet him in the city.

When I arrive, he comes out to greet me with a basket of wine and two glasses and said we’re going to make s’mores on the beach. My initial reaction was “aww, how sweet and romantic” but then “I am SO not dressed for this”.  Where I live, June is the fuckin coldest month of the year because of fog. You need a parka not a sexy dress, strappy heels and bare legs to spend time at the beach to watch the sunset. I speak up about how I’m not dressed for that. He is gracious enough and says, “ok. Duran Duran’s in town. Let’s go scalp tickets!”. Alright. I’m down for that. That might be fun! So we drive down to the venue and guess what… Sold out! No scalpers around. Ok. This guy is pretty good at rolling with the punches. He suggests we just go grab dinner at the place he wanted. Ok. Let’s go. So we get there and we check out the menu. Looks good. I tell him what I normally like and it’s cool. I didn’t however say which dish I was going to order, it was more casual than that, and I was waiting for the waiter. Anyway, the waiter comes by and Mr. V orders for me. Ok. I’m a big girl. I can order for myself. It was done in this big-man, I-know-better-than-you way and it rubbed me the wrong way. don’t get me wrong: I dated another guy who did this but in a much different and less condescending way and it was a treat because he took my preferences and dislikes into careful consideration.  Mr.V?  Not so much.

After dinner I was ready to go home.  But he told me that he just bought a Wii and invited me to play Guitar Hero (Yes, this story is a couple years old).  I’m a pretty competitive person when it comes to video games and used to LOVE an opportunity to shred on the fake guitar so I agreed, plus it was still early and my sitter wasn’t expecting me for a while yet.

We go back to his condo and he disappears for a few minutes as I get the game booted up on the Wii.  Mr. V returns with two glasses of wine and I take a sip.  We play a few songs and I say it’s time that I get rolling out of there to relieve the sitter.  He approaches me to make his move.  He goes in for a kiss, a really passionate one – which, not for nothing, was odd because previously his kisses were just a peck – and it was so weird.  He then starts to unbutton his shirt.  All of this is a bit foggy since it was a while ago now but I recall standing there, having my hands up in front of me against his bare chest as if to hold that distance between us.  He wrapped his arms around me and continued to kiss me.  I sort of kissed him back.  I say “sort of” because it was as if to see if perhaps there could be or would be something there that I wasn’t feeling up to this point.  Well?  no.  not at all.  Add to that – the strangest thing – his chest!  One side was HOT and the other side was COLD.  no shit.  Hot AND cold.  I said, “Something is not right here.  Something feels off.  Really off.”  I made my way out of there so quickly.

Later, he emailed me about how energetically connected we were, how amazed he was at how in tune I was with him to know that yes, indeed something was “off”.  He confessed that he took a half of a Viagra pill when we got back to his place.  I’m sorry…WHAT??!

little blue pill

Now, I have no problem with the use of Viagra or other performance enhancing drugs in cases where it is medically necessary, but Dude!  That was jumping ahead like 6 steps in the game!  Having a conversation about getting to that point in our relationship together versus just blindly “doing it” is what I was looking for in this situation.  I’d had PLENTY of hook ups and one night stands; I wanted something more and was clear about that in our communications (we weren’t sexting or sexy in our emails at all despite the fact that I am constantly horny and damn hot if I say so myself).  Consent gets me hot, and there was no premeditation for having sex on my part.  If we would have been at that point in our relationship *I* wasn’t informed.  There were no outward indications on my part OTHER THAN the fact that this was our third (?) date after tons of texts and emails, none of which were sexual in nature.  I was grossed out by his presumption that we would be “getting busy” once we got back to his place.

I ended our relationship/friendship because he obviously wasn’t able to communicate his wants and desires with out ambushing me.  And you can believe I told him that.

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6 thoughts on “My first exposure to Viagra

  1. Wow. I can’t imagine anything being a bigger turn-off than some guy assuming that he’s not only gonna get laid, but get laid with such enthusiasm that he’d need reinforcements. WITHOUT ASKING?

    I was wondering if it could be analogous to women shaving before a date, just in case, but it feels really different to me. And to go straight from “peck on the cheek” locked and loaded is just gross. No. No thank you.

  2. you poor thing! yuck. I hear you on the consent thing. Having a conversation about sex is a very mature and grown up thing to do. This guy sounds like neither… but then again, how many of us women have run into guys out there unable to voice what they want or desire? How many of US have a difficult time voicing our wants, needs, and desires?? Does anyone have a positive experience with guys who are using Viagra? A negative one?
    Personally, I think one can try to do a pretty good job without Viagra given a conscientious focus toward better food choices, a healthy diet, and plenty of exercise.

    • HA! I dated a guy for a while who had periodic struggles with erections. Honestly, I didn’t care much. There’s nothing wrong with a night spent suggling, kissing and talking.

      That said, he started the day by smoking pot, kept that up all day, then hit the scotch starting at happy hour, and smoked a bowl before getting in bed. When I suggested that might be the problem, he told me I was controlling and judgmental. When I suggested it could be stress with child support, family, the house, work, I was dismissive.

      A lot of erectile disfunction can be traced to emotional and physical issues that should be addressed before a pill is popped. And many of them are the same issues that undo relationships in general. Those little peckers are real canaries in the coal mines.

      • oooh! I hear you on the “snuggling, kissing, talking” part. That can be SO MUCH MORE intimate! Humans thrive with touch and sometimes we just need to touch and be touched.

        Canary in a coal mine? You got that right!

  3. The Viagra Crutch

    Viagra can indeed be used as a crutch. Crutch meaning long wooden stick (bad joke I know)

    I personally haven’t had a good experience. In fact, I have only had one. I was dating a guy who was an avid pot smoker. He decided to pop a dose one evening without informing me. He ended up getting extremely ill and throwing up the really expensive dinner we had just enjoyed at a cute posh restaurant. The sex never even happened!

    I’m going to be honest, he always had erectile issues. I blame it on the weed. He blamed it on being tired. Many times I urged him to discontinue the pot smoking but he refused. Ultimately we broke up.

    Suffice to say, men need to be more sensitive to understanding their bodies. Although the majority of medical science has been administered and tested for males, sometimes they lack the intuition they need to listen to their body. Unlike a female who is reminded every 28 days. I blame society. Men are supposed to be tough and burley. Turning to a pill is an easy get out of jail quick card.

    Or maybe they still want their pot and smoke it too.

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