Given my career choice, I come across lots of articles on dating and relationships, besides all of the sex stuff. I saw this article and can get my head around it. In theory, I like it. But the article All The Single Ladies fails to address one thing in my opinion. Yes, it’s fun and fabulous to be single and unattached, foot loose and fancy free… but what about the sisters who are newly single and who have children?
I know we are in a tougher place in terms of attractiveness ( *smile* i’m thinking bigger than the physical attributes people) to the very few worthy, eligible bachelors out there. Dating a woman who is “past her prime” at that somehow magical age of 31, and who has children can be seen by some men as undesirable. But for those guys out there who don’t necessarily want more kids, or who want a woman who can understand when he has to spend the weekend with his kids, and a woman who doesn’t get upset because he spends too much time with his kids and not enough alone time with her (needy!!), or who want to have crazy, fun, adventurous sex and who knows what she wants/likes and can talk about it, a woman like us might be just the thing.
Not every woman wants to be married. Plenty of us shirk the thought that Two Should Become One. (WTF is up with THAT? I’m never going to lose myself in a relationship again.) That idea is so scary for most woman who have gotten OUT of a bad relationship, married or not. Marriage is a social construct. It has had lots of different configurations in the bible alone! In the end, it’s a legal contract that boils down to a piece of paper. What is it worth?
But there are those of us who would like to have a committed partner/relationship. Sure the autonomy and independence is fantastic, but I personally struggle with the seemingly Utopian ideal of a
Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie type of relationship. Some of us want a person who surprises us with small, romantic thoughtful things from a bubble bath drawn just for us (that maybe they join in on…?) to a bouquet of flowers “just because” (I’m not one to think “uh oh, what’s he done NOW?”). Some of us want to know that there is a future and stability with a person that they love. But I imagine that happens in Brangelina’s relationship too. How can one structure a long-term, committed relationship without it being a marriage (and why are we so obsessed with this binary, married-or-lonely viewpoint anyway??)
I’m shaking my head now. Isn’t this the type of thinking that got me into the position i’m in now? There are lots of women I know who are recently divorced with kids who seem to have intimacy issues. Hell, I know single men who are like this too! I don’t have an answer or a fix for this personally. I’m struggling with this stuff myself right now. But I do believe this, no matter how much love you have made and lost, there’s more to be found.