I have a few questions and I’m not sure if there are answers. At least any easy answers.
As you know, I am a divorced woman with kids. I have been divorced/separated since 2009 and I am told often that I “will not have a problem finding a great guy” or the more disturbing “why hasn’t someone already scooped you up?” I sense that last one is always intended with sweetness but hmmm. I have been told I am attractive and, as I have aged and gotten comfortable with my body, I would now say I agree. Actually, I think I’m hotter now than I ever have been. Take that Youth Obsessed American Culture! However, being good looking does not mean I’m going to be attracted to and/or want to bone every guy I see. I am very very picky about the men with whom I choose to spend my time. But I am not going to settle. No way. My kids and I are too important to “Me”.
There are many people with whom I am acquainted. Over the past couple years, I have asked my social network – more than once mind you but no I’m not desperate – “is there anyone out there who knows a man who is emotionally and literally available who might be interested in dating someone like me?” Surprisingly, for the size of my social network, I only received a few responses. Most of them said something along the lines of “I don’t know anyone who is good enough for you”. I start to wonder if that isn’t code for something else. Is it just that all the eligible men would not be interested in me as they would be too busy drooling over pretty young things without kids to be interested in me? The ex-husband did. The few men I have dated were men I met online or randomly on my own. Where is the help all of my “friends”?? ;)
Compare to this: There is a guy that I dated recently who is a nice man; handsome, friendly, romantic, adventurous,… but we just couldn’t communicate well with each other. Well, it wasn’t two weeks that this guy was on the market and he has five dates. FIVE! His friends have partnered with him to set him up with five different women. A mom with two girls, a 30-something businesswoman who lives in two different cities, a pretty young thing who is new to the area, a girlfriend of his best friends’ wife, and an old girlfriend from high school (I noted 4 of the 5 were women without kids). What the f*ck is that?!? (Not to mention WTF? He told this detailed information to me in what amounts to a manipulative move to get me to act. Was it to get me to take him back?) Maybe this is what The Beatles meant when they sang they “Get By With A Little Help From [Their] Friends”.
So my questions are these: Is this saying something about me? Is this saying something about him? Is it saying something about our society? Is this confirming somehow that if you’re a woman over 31 the pool of men it’s just so diminished? Or is it simply a numbers game?
What do you think?
UPDATE: Alyssa wrote a follow up to this blog. It’s called, “He Says, “It’s a Jungle Out There”