He tried to give me an analogy using Real Estate to explain our situation.
Remember the guy who got 5 dates immediately? He’s the cute house on the corner that people have been waiting to come on the market. The minute it (he) does there are plenty of agents (friends) who have the perfect buyers (ladies).
Now to us: Divorced women of a certain age with kids. We are the estate homes that just can’t find a qualified buyer (guys). Agents (friends) in this case are not going to want to waste our time presenting buyers (guys) who are obviously unqualified. Qualified buyers (guys who see beyond the superficiality) are few and far between. “Good design stands the test of time” and quality construction starts with a solid foundation of knowing ourselves – education, wisdom, responsibility, parenthood – these things develop over time. We have that.
According to him this is a painful truth: Given the pic in Alyssa’s blog, there are lots of women like the popsicle stick wife in that pic, who possess attractive qualities of which men seek. Most men who have been married before have a tendency later in life to not want to get into another grand established estate (us), so these guys are going after the new construction condo or townhome (unattached, younger woman), that they can get in or out of easily. However, it’s a classic blunder; These guys are thinking with their penises as they chase these younger women. What these men tend to find after a while, is that these new construction condos are facades; shallow foundations, hollow walls, and generally not built to last. Sad thing for them is, they don’t seem to realize until it’s too late. In the long run, that condo/townhome is REALLY a money pit that’s probably going to want upgrades often and require lots of maintenance and your resources, and who may leave you for broke when they want to trade up themselves.
I had a theory once, that if you looked at a guy who just got out of a marriage, find out how old he was when he got married and I’d be willing to bet he is targeting women who were the age he was when he got married. Did he revert emotionally to that bachelor age? It’s as if he wants a do over (which is bullshit). I personally believe that as you age, so should the ideal you have for a mate. For example, I dig Roger Sterling (Mad Men, white hair)
or Jean Luc Picard (Star Trek, bald) more than Zac Efron (High School Musical, 20 something boy-man). There are image-obsessed guys who idealize youth, tight bodies and the student-teacher dynamic… and that younger women lack the experience and wisdom to call their older lovers on their bullshit.
Here’s the thing: I don’t personally want to be with a man to whom I would be the “younger woman” who only offers me material comforts. I want a guy, around my age, an attractive guy who challenges me intellectually, respects me, wants to ravage me (often), and who treats me VERY well.
It comes down to the lack of good guys out there. Most guys who are at this age, divorced or whatever, are egomaniacs, or losers, or beer-drinking couch potatoes, or guys who let themselves go, all of whom are looking to trade in their older homes for the new bachelor pad.
At the end of the day it is our job to weed through the endless window shoppers, or guys who just want to check the open house, and don’t settle. Hold out for those quality buyers because they are out there. Keep looking.
UPDATE: Alyssa and I are working a Tag Team angle with this topic. 😉 We have LOTS to say. Her follow up is the fanTAStic Eye Candy, Sugar Daddies, & Cougars (Oh My!).