Just fooling myself… (?)

I keep trying to convince myself that I don’t need a man in my life.. and yet I’m so picky. and part of me is pissed that an ass like my ex can find someone who loves him and he loves and I am left alone.. to be played by every guy I allow to enter my life (and body)…

maybe I’m just fooling myself .. maybe I do want to be loved and wanted.. I just haven’t met someone who fits that bill… who I find appealing and can satisfy my needs and urges and lets me be myself.

….and as a result, I fear I will be alone for the rest of my life….


2 thoughts on “Just fooling myself… (?)

  1. Oh honey. Ugh. Here’s the thing, you have to figure out the difference between want and need. You don’t need a man in your life. You will get all of your needs met without one.

    But you want one, and that’s okay. I think we’ve been taught to feel like we must be weak or insecure or some such nonsense if we want a man. But how is that any different than wanting ice cream, or wanting to listen to good music? We want them because, for whatever reason, we like them.

    But, like ice cream and music, we have to get good and clear about what we like, what makes us feel good, what makes us feel bad and develop good habits about consuming them. And learn not to compromise.

    If you hate Death Metal music, for instance, would you blare some just because you wanted music? No. My guess is that you’d listen to the birds, the wind or even the traffic before you did that.

    As much as you may love ice-cream, you know that if you eat it all day every day you’ll feel like shit. Same is true of the wrong men for us, but we let them take over our time and live just because we think we need one.

    We don’t. We want them. We want the RIGHT ones for us, and we want them in a way that makes us feel good and not bad. Get good and clear on that, don’t compromise, and I think you’ll find it a lot easier to not feel bad about not having all those “wrong” guys out there. And much easier to recognize the right one when you find him.

    I am overdue for a post, but I found one, and it’s very distracting. ……

    • Your post reminds me of something I learned while I was in college. I realized that I never had my own likes and dislikes. I dated one guy who loved fudge ripple ice cream. I found that it was then my favorite. But when we broke up and i went to get ice cream that summer, as i stared at my choices I realized that I didn’t like fudge ripple. I like jamoca almond fudge. Why did I choose what he liked? To feel more connected? It felt great choosing the flavor I liked. So.. I will choose a flavor that I like and know that it is my choice. And just because I like one flavor today doesn’t force me to have that flavor forever.. until I find a flavor that is just one I can’t live without.

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