Sometimes, Girlfriends Are Better

The Dating Mommies have been away for a while. We apologize if you missed us and wondered where we went.

Alyssa has found a love like none other. Her new husband Brady is quite a keeper. I’m sure Alyssa will write a post of her own to update you. In the past year I dated one person who had issues of their own not yet resolved, and while it was easy and comfortable for me, it wasn’t what I wanted or needed so it ended. I don’t like to speak negatively about exes so I’ll leave it at that (although some info about that relationship do show up in this interaction below).

I am back to dating and I have recruited the old bloggers who are still available to join me in blogging about the trials & tribultions of dating as a 40+ mother again… and also a few new friends will be joining us.

For those of you just finding the Dating Mommies now – Welcome! We hope you enjoy the ride.


If any of you wonder if Alyssa and I are friends and really spend time talking with one another about regular stuff (not just sex), here’s an excerpt of a text conversation we had earlier this month. No, we don’t always have things perfectly figured out – just like many of our girlfriends. Yes, we do occasionally need to be reminded of advice we would give to others if the tables were turned. Sometimes we just can’t see the forest for the trees.

  • Alyssa Royse

    You doing okay?

  • no contact

    im ok

    dunno what the last i shared w u on the situation was

  • couple days ago. you were sad, understandably.

  • we’re on a break again. i think he’s really scared of how we got so close so fast. I know I was


  • of course im rationalizing. I’m good at that

    i basically have. im dating again

  • don’t rationalize. you do not need to give someone space to realize how great you are.

  • yeah. i know that

  • remember what happened when you kept rationalizing blake’s behavior.

  • ugh

    why was i doing that again?

  • be free, young one.

    because it’s a tough habit to break.

    That one guy helped me break it!

  • i know that

    which part was i rationalizing with blake, cuz his issues were different than this guy

    this one i sense is just scared of my power

    or he’s afraid of intimacy too

  • the “i know he is not giving me what I need and reacts negatively to who i really am, but it’s okay because….”

  • lol


  • he was.


    but when i told this guy i think i’m falling in love he backed off

    but seriously, why does anyone listen to tipsy post coital blatherings? dammit – i haven’t felt love for so long – what i said was closer to “i think i’m developing feelings” than “MARRY ME”

  • Alyssa Royse

Because in their own tipsy post coital haze, when you say “i think I’m developing feelings” an insecure person will hear, “I am about to judge and test everything you think to be true about yourself so that you can watch it fall apart piece by piece, thus proving your are worthless and deserve to die alone.” Surely you can see how those sound the same.

hmm. i didnt think that

 That’s because you’re a grown up.

find one who wants to STAY in it. LOTS of men have been attracted to my power, then scared of it when they got in. staying power matters.

  • i know i want someone who can handle that

    and i’m not waiting

    like i tried to w blake

    im absolutely on board with what you are saying

  • I know you are. And you’d say it to me. but we never remember when its ourselves.

     not even me.
  • which is also why i appreciate you telling me again!

  • Cut loose. Fully. Not a break, but a break up. He can come back later if he changes….

  • he’s got stuff to figure out and i’m not staying and waiting for it

  • YAY!

  • well i think that’s what we’ve done but we’re still connected via skype and fb. if we want contact we will be in contact. so far nothing

    you knew we were on a 2 wk break right?

he text me thurs, fri (both days a sort of thinking of you – not booty call – text), then sat insisted he come to pick me up from my event which was in his hood. that was a booty call

monday i said i don’t want booty calls w you

  • no, i didn’t know it was a 2 week break. i thought you were done, which is why I was surprised to hear you weren’t.

  • that’s when we decided basically we’re done. and it hadn’t been 2 wks

  • good. be done.

  •  yup

    im going about my life

  • it sucks. i know.

  • i think i’ve ID’d my man obsession:

  • who?

  • no, why. i write and talk sex every damn day, it kills me to not have physical contact with a man. i can masturbate until my fingers are prune but it doesn’t fulfill me.



    you get the idea


  • that sounds human. intimacy matters, but unlike sex, you can’t fake it.

  • BOOM


  • and the cheap substitutes just make it worse.

  • Ab-so-fuckin-lutely

  • you want it so badly you’re willing to accept substitutes.

    I get it .

    I did it.

    I’d still be doing it if I hadn’t met brady.

  • well, not substitutes so much as bookmarks

  • but you are SO WORTH IT.

     bookmarks, better.

    but they hold space and keep you stuck where you were, not where you want to go.

  • i’m getting closer. i can taste it

  • you are. I know it.

  • I almost said spaceholders

    exactly. space holders/bookmarks. we’re totally talking about the same thing

    either way, no advancement

  • i think it’s all connected…… let’s get the work stuff rolling and the personal stuff will follow. plus, i think you’ll get a lot of the intimacy and pride and momentum you need that way.


    So here I am… I’m waiting for Vizzini… (no, I’m not calling you Fezzik, Alyssa. Although my hair on a bad day could be seen as Inigo’s… Hmm)
    Wish me (and the rest of the Dating Mommies) success!

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