Dating for me lately feels like a series of starts and stops. And lately it’s been more “stop”.
I feel like I have been so busy with work lately and I have not been making time for dating – you know, meeting people for coffee or going out for drinks or going on hikes, etc. Since I write from home I have a limited footprint of possible places to meet men. It’s been kids’ camp -> home -> back to camp -> whole foods -> home. If I hit the grocery store at about 5:30, then there seems to be an uptick in men shopping but I’m really not that bold to ask someone out. It’s bad enough that I embarrass my daughters when I do make idle small talk with the random cute guy wearing no ring – but I make small talk with women as well – And I have yet to make a date with anyone, or have anyone ask me out for that matter, as a result of my chattiness. *sigh*
Chemistry and connection are so important for me. I have been out lately going to different fundraising events for the festival I will attend at the end of August. I’ve met a couple men at these events with whom I sense a connection mainly because of the tremendous community. Certainly ones I am sexually attracted to… To be honest, I’m a little afraid of asking them out. I know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with my doing that but, knowing the societal “norms” and the messages people get even today that “women should never ask men out”, I fear rejection.
Recently a guy tried to tell me that men want what they can’t have and, by extension, women asking men out is flying in the face of this. Here’s the thing: I know lots of men AND women who want what they can’t have. Personally, I’m not a fan of playing games or waiting idly by for someone I want to get to know better to maybe get the hint that I would go out with him if he asked. Did I mention I am completely unskilled at the art of flirting? Besides, I feel more comfortable being direct and less ambiguous when I’m interested in someone. So in this instance, it behooves me to give myself the advice that I would give any of my girlfriends:
1. Ask anyway.
2. Be prepared to get a “no”.
3. Be okay with that.
4. In that case, it’s NOT you, it’s HIM. 🙂
5. Also, be prepared to get a “yes”.
6. Be joyful.
7. In either situation, pat yourself on the back for asking and surviving!
We’ve all heard it thousand times: How will you get what you want if you don’t ask for it? Or put another way, you will never know until you ask. I saw a quote recently. “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover” — Mark Twain
Not everyone grips so tightly to those societal norms. And you know what? I know for me, with my open, honest style, I want someone who is not bothered or offended or “emasculated” by my asking. For all of us, the right person is going to be okay with this.