Hopefully In Love

The Map of Unconditional Love by Paul Foreman

Why is it that some incredibly common phrase, that we’ve heard for years, can suddenly sound so  weird? I was talking with a girlfriend the other day, and the phrase “hopelessly in love” was uttered. I’ve heard it a kajillion times, but it suddenly sounded to wrong. Falling in love is not a state of hopelessness, at all. It is a state of hopefulness. Pure hope. Continue reading


We’re Not Having Sex Anymore

Sometimes I think I should have my own reality show, because it would be easier than writing all those screenplays that I intend to write, any day now. The other night, my daughter, my baby-daddy and I were chatting as I was making dinner for everyone. Here’s a snippet:

Baby-Daddy: I thought you guys broke up.

Me: We did.

Baby-Daddy: But he’s on his way over for dinner and a movie.

Me: Ya.

Daughter: We still love him, he just isn’t relationship material. Continue reading

Sometimes You Need A Palate Cleanser

I think I’ve managed to give the impression that I take sex and dating very seriously. That’s far from accurate, after all, I’m the genius that brought you The Revenge Fuck & Other Bad Ideas. It’s just that I think a lot about the impact of sex and dating, so I’m pretty thorough about my reflections –  after the fact. That impact leaves a pretty strong aftertaste, and sometimes it takes a good palate cleanser to prepare you for what comes next. Preferably, a really hot one.

Lanae wrote about the Post Divorce Phases a while ago, and she’s right on. What she refers to as the The Slut Phase is the “lots of sex right after divorce” stage. I think this applies to the initial phase after any break up, and I think it’s essential. That is the phase in which we enjoy lots of tasty palate cleansers. Continue reading

Eye Candy, Sugar Daddies & Cougars (Oh My!)

The Puppet Will Rise, by Weljin

The dialog that Lanae and I started about men our age dating women half our age stirred up a bit muckety muck. We like that. It means we stumbled into something that needs discussing. Our friend Hugo, who has written and lectured extensively on the subject, added his very male and very academic perspective. Clearly, this is a conversation that needs to be had.

And it was, in comments and Facebook threads and emails. This is a sloppy sampling, that we hope will spark a larger conversation that we can all work with.

Continue reading

He Says “It’s A Jungle Out There!”

Yes, we ALL make fun of and judge the guy who carries around the trollopy trophy girl, and not in a good way.

I had a great talk with an old friend yesterday. I haven’t seen him in person in a zillion years, but he’s a couple of years older than me, recently divorced, very successful and spending a lot of time on the road for work. I was enjoying my morning coffee as he was having lunch on a park bench in Manhattan yesterday, and felt the need to call me and tell me that this whole dating thing is a pain in the ass for men too. Guess it’s not going well for him. Continue reading

The Revenge Fuck & Other Bad Ideas

You know the old saying, “fucking for revenge is like getting laid.” Wait, I don’t get it. That doesn’t make any sense. Actually, I guess it makes about as much sense as the logic behind the revenge fuck, which is a uniquely chick concoction. It is a profoundly ridiculous idea that needs to assume it’s position at the top of the lexicon of lame love logic, above such notions as “I can change him” and the rhythm method. Continue reading

Date Me, Date My Daughter

WATCH this clip from Home Movies, in which the mom tells her son that divorced women should be dating and stop hiding their light! An uncomfortable conversation we've all had, and NEED to have!

I’ve written a lot on my personal blog about the challenges of dating as a mother. Finding that balance between getting my own needs met as an individual while respecting the impact that my actions have on the life of my daughter.

There are so many things to take into consideration, it’s kind of daunting – which is probably why I mostly just choose to live with integrity and answer any questions that come up. In that regard, being a mother is such a help. I simply have to imagine explaining a situation to my daughter; what I would say and how I would feel about it. If I don’t like what it would teach her, then I know I have something to think about. Continue reading

First Impressions Matter

Okay, Veronica and Eva have hysterical (and sad) stories about dating, and I’m feeling a little left out. They’re both dating way more than me, and their stories, frankly, explain why I am not dating that much. I’m in no rush here. When I decided to do this dating thing it was to see what was out there and learn a little something about myself.

One of the things that I’ve learned is that I am truly in no hurry. The other is that I am either way too picky (likely,) way too judgmental (very likely,) or there are just a lot of guys out there that I would never even give a second look (provable.) Seriously, let’s take a look at some of the guys who have contacted me; their photos and their brilliant words. Continue reading

Do You Believe In Romance

It takes really good friends to ask really hard questions. It is decidedly easier when you’ve gone through a couple bottles of wine and some basically raw steak. Unfortunately, it’s a lot harder to come up with good answers then. So when one of my soul-sisters looked at me last night and asked me, “Alyssa, do you even believe in romance?” I couldn’t think of anything to say at the time except, “YES!” So very yes. Continue reading

No False Advertising Here

Home Movies - I love this little clip of the mom from Home Movies talking about getting dressed for a date. "Anything else is false advertising!" - Watch It Now!

I can totally relate to the mom in Home Movies, that great Adult Swim cartoon from years ago. Why bother getting all dressed up for a date? WHY BOTHER?

I have a “date” this morning. It is of a relatively promising nature, in that OK Cupid has declared us to be 96% compatible and we have amazing emails. In my experience, that means that we will have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever. There seems to be an inverse correlation between the awesomeness of emails and awesomeness of actual interactions. I probably ought to go out with the next illiterate fuck that just says he wants to fuck. May well be Prince Charming. Continue reading