Sex and the Single Mother… And Her Kids.

Previously published on Good Vibrations Magazine’s Sexy Mamas Blog
There are lots of challenges to being a single mother; Dating when you have small children is one of them.

I’m very protective of my girls, as I’m sure you are of your children, as well. I’ve started dating a new guy who I really like.  We’ve have been able to see each other often and, after a bit of screening, comes over in the evenings after my girls are in bed.  Marcia and Cindy have asked to meet him but I told them no, not yet. It’s not appropriate.  I have explained to my children that they are #1 in terms of importance to me and that I am protecting them.

My sensitivity is around introducing them to anyone new too soon.  For example, if things didn’t work out with us early on in the relationship, not having met him would save my children the potential heartbreak of having another person leave their life.  As it is right now, my children understand that he and I are dating…a process where we go out on dates to movies or dinner, etc, he brings dinner for the two of us some nights after the girls go to bed, I talk to him on the phone and we text each other; a courtship if you will.  The girls see my reaction to everything and I’m open with them about how this relationship makes me feel.  If this man makes it past the screening process, and he and I determine we want things to progress to a more committed stage (however this commitment is defined), then I will make the introductions.

Conversely, I have also told my children that, as their mother and protector, I want to meet anyone they date right away as opposed to waiting until they are “in a relationship.” I want to normalize this expectation now while they are young so it’s not strange later and I don’t get the “But MOOOooooOOOM…” that would inevitably follow.

I plan to tell my daughters that when they do start dating, I expect that their date will come over to have family dinner with us 2 or 3 times BEFORE they will be permitted to go out on a date on their own. I plan to tell my daughters that I value close personal relationships with intimacy.   I want to help them grow in love and closeness to the person they are dating before they get intimate, even if I haven’t always done this myself.  I plan to point out that they are wonderful, whole little beings right now as they are and that getting older doesn’t mean they need another person to COMPLETE them.

Will it be possible that they even look forward to dating this way?   I think laying the foundation now along with my values explanation is what is important. So far, I have shared with them (often!!) that no matter what they do or which path they choose, I’m going to love them totally and unconditionally.  And I hope my behavior thus far has set that foundation for them to understand that I’m speaking the truth.

So, from now until they start dating, I’m going to do my best to continue to be open and non-judgmental about sex and sexuality. I’m going to try to be open with my children about the feelings I have about dating. We already talk openly about sex; I’m sure somewhere down the road soon Marcia will inquire about whether or not I’m having sex with this person.  I’ll cross that bridge if and when I should get to it.

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A trip out of town doesn’t disappoint

I went away for a weekend with a girlfriend to New York City. this gf is also a divorced mom w kids and we get together to tear it up. this weekend ended up a little differently though…

i have a guy from my first job after college with whom i’m friends – he was in product development and i was in marketing communications. we were never intimate but there seemed to be a bit of the good ‘ol sexual tension in the air. although nothing ever happened with that because he got engaged & married right away. it’s been YEARS since we last saw each other but through the magic of fb we stayed friends. we don’t live in the same city anymore and in recent years he’d gone through a separation and subsequent divorce from that college sweetheart. he happened to be in NYC the same weekend we were and so he invited my gf and me over for drinks at his pied a terre. we went and all of us caught up on our lives and were enjoying the nice bottles of red and the charcuterie plate he set out. lots of good times and laughs.

when he went in for another bottle, my gf leaned over to me and said, “you guys need each other. he’s very lonely. and i know despite your tough act you’re lonely too”. that actually made me choke up! she was right. i’ve been wanting to spend time with one person and while fully aware this friend was not that goal, i knew she was right. he returned and she politely bowed out, taking a cab back to our hotel.

we chatted for a while longer and a few more glasses later we both acknowledged that it was getting late. he offered me to crash there and i took him up on it. i changed into a borrowed T shirt and crawled into bed. he got ready for bed as well and crawled in next to me. we snuggled for exactly 2.5 seconds before the kissing started. it was very niiiice.

i must give a lil background here: Brand is a brainy guy. hot, successful, a dream in many ways. he shared with me that he had not been with another woman since his wife – and they were together for 19 years. um, WHAT?! that’s a helluva lot of pressure to lay on a girl. given i was not expecting this i did not have supplies. given that he was not a player he did not have supplies. Anita don’t bareback ANYONE, not even a celibate man who hadn’t had sex in the last 3 years with his wife and who’d been divorced for a year. He’s a real great guy who focused on work and trying not to be depressed at his lack of intimacy – can you imagine relying solely on masturbation for getting off?? I can’t. well, i told him it was up to him if he wanted to have sex, that i was up for it if that’s what he wanted. but if that’s what he wanted we would need to go somewhere and get condoms. he absolutely did. ok, so now at about 3 am on a saturday night, we got out of bed. i put on the tshirt and my heels and my blazer. he dressed in somewhat normal clothes. we jumped into the cab and drove to CVS.

at CVS we must have looked like total idiots. uh huh. you KNOW why we’re there based on what i’m wearing. we find the condoms right away and guess what was playing on the Muzak? Damned Lionel Ritchie singing “Eaasaay. I’m easy like Sunday mooorn’aan, yeeeaaah”.

i nearly peed my pants. it wasn’t bad enough for me to be doing the “strut of fuck yeah” (the walk of shame to those of you used to slut shaming, sex-negative terms) in a Tshirt and heels but I gotta hear that too?  so funny. we bought the condoms and got out of there pronto.

when we got back home, i made sure to let him know once again we did not need to continue if he didn’t want to. this *was* his maiden voyage post divorce and all. but he insisted this was what he wanted. tell you the truth, i was honored. and in an odd way i felt like this was really safe. we knew each other. we grew up together in that first career; goofy hang outs at happy hours, weekends with lots of mutual friends, things you do in that first job and when you’re young just out of college. kind of beautiful.

so we climbed back into bed. we start kissing again. things arise to the occasion so to speak. there in the dark, we cracked open a condom. I rolled it on to his cock and wondered if i’d done something wrong because it wouldn’t roll to the base. we kept going and when it got to the point where he penetrated me… holy… what was that?? um, wow. big. too big? whatever equipment this guy was given I didn’t due diligence before hand to gauge what I was going to be dealing with. this thing was HUGE.

he seemed to enjoy himself (i sure did) but we were both tired from the long day/ night and I was drowsy from a little too much wine so neither of us orgasmed – BUT THAT WAS FINE! we vowed to pick up where we left off in the morning.

so we wake up together. I’ve GOT to find a toothbrush – why didn’t i buy one of THOSE at CVS at 3 am?? when i got back to bed after brushing my teeth and taking a quick pee, we began kissing again. we got another condom and I unrolled it onto his cock … so THAT’s why it wouldn’t roll to the end of the shaft! He had two hands worth AND THEN SOME! ok, i’m no size queen but this was too much. he’s not a tall man so it just goes to show you, you can’t judge a book by its cover. that’s for sure. i have to admit though, it was not long (pun intended??) after penetration that i squirted. just a little. we knew it was me because he had the condom on. when the time came (too many puns) he came in a spectacular fashion; very loudly and i love it loud.

in those moments after we both were too tired to continue, he shared with me that he’d wanted to have sex with me since we were both new starts together. so you see? dreams really DO come true.  lol

Just fooling myself… (?)

I keep trying to convince myself that I don’t need a man in my life.. and yet I’m so picky. and part of me is pissed that an ass like my ex can find someone who loves him and he loves and I am left alone.. to be played by every guy I allow to enter my life (and body)…

maybe I’m just fooling myself .. maybe I do want to be loved and wanted.. I just haven’t met someone who fits that bill… who I find appealing and can satisfy my needs and urges and lets me be myself.

….and as a result, I fear I will be alone for the rest of my life….

Talk is not Cheap, it’s Hot.

Let me just say, I love healthy, respectful discussion.  It’s a REAL turn on for me.

That said, this series of (so far) 4 previous blog posts by Alyssa and me

1. a little help here

2. it’s a jungle out there

3. she’s a brick house

4. eye candy, sugar daddies and cougars (oh my!) Continue reading

He Says “It’s A Jungle Out There!”

Yes, we ALL make fun of and judge the guy who carries around the trollopy trophy girl, and not in a good way.

I had a great talk with an old friend yesterday. I haven’t seen him in person in a zillion years, but he’s a couple of years older than me, recently divorced, very successful and spending a lot of time on the road for work. I was enjoying my morning coffee as he was having lunch on a park bench in Manhattan yesterday, and felt the need to call me and tell me that this whole dating thing is a pain in the ass for men too. Guess it’s not going well for him. Continue reading

How does this work for Single moms with kids?

Given my career choice, I come across lots of articles on dating and relationships, besides all of the sex stuff.  I saw this article and can get my head around it.  In theory, I like it.  But the article All The Single Ladies fails to address one thing in my opinion.  Yes, it’s fun and fabulous to be single and unattached, foot loose and fancy free… but what about the sisters who are newly single and who have children?

Continue reading

The Bad Boy – Explicit content – NSFW

The following is an excerpt of a note I left for myself about one of the encounters I had with bad boy, the Wounded Man. I had a FwB relationship with this guy for over a year, off and on. This guy so had my number… and I was hooked on him. Here’s why he was catnip to me: 1) I came out of a relationship/marriage where I was neglected. 2) I was in the Phase 1 Post-Divorce  3) Meeting a guy who didn’t want to date me but wanted to fuck me was just what I thought I needed. Perhaps it was, but I got clear after I met some great guys who DID want to get to know me and not just my pussy. Continue reading

Hot Guy

It all started with a facebook picture and a memory of a cute boy with a great smile from 29 years ago.   Next came a simple friend request, acceptance, and then months later, a request to meet up for coffee or drink.

And that first meeting, oh did I drink.  And drink.   And drink.  Interspersed with A LOT of flirting.  And then came the kissing.  We made out like highschool kids and my heart Continue reading